Funny, the barking has stopped now.

It's morning. I'm getting ready for work. Okay, I "should be" getting ready for work. I'm beginning the process of getting ready for work.

The dogs are in the next room. Barking. A lot. I've asked them politely to stop, but they won't. They refuse.

Little do they realize, that my request is not for my own comfort or sanity, it's for their safety. The barking is loud. Echoing through the cavernous funnels on the sides of my head. The bark travels through the waves in the air, into my ears, and quickly touches my brain. But when it gets to my brain, I no longer hear the "bark bark bark woof woof bark" that most human beings hear from my dogs. I hear something far different.

I hear the voice of Sam Kinison. THE Sam Kinison. But not pre-death, Sam Kinison, this is a post-death, in-shape Sam Kinison. And while his weight may bear no relevance on the sound of his voice, channelling through my dogs vocal chords, I know it to be true.

"HEY," screams Sam. "HEY! YOU! YEAH YOU! LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN TO ME! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? IT SEEMS TO ME LIKE YOU MIGHT BE WASTING YOUR TIME GETTING READY FOR WOOOORK! What'dya need work for, huh? It's a boring day, man, a boring long day where you repeat mind numbing crap to benefit a company that in the end would step over you as soon as look at you, man. Besides, if you go just for the money, think about it, what do you need that money for? Survival? Food? We're right here! The two of us! Come on! Me and Libby! We're right here in the next room, barkin' up a storm! I know that we're cute and cuddly, but dammit we're your dogs! We are here to serve you, my master! If you are sad, we will cheer you up. If you're in danger, we will protect you. If you are hungry...
...well, i think you see where i'm going with this."
So, listen. Get ready for your day, then hop on your computer and take a look at all the good stuff that you could be chowing down on right now. Then, whatever the recipe, just replace some of the meatier ingredients with the words 'man's best friend', and you will be in-the-money, man!"

And maybe Sam Kinisondog is right. I'd like to think he's not, and i'd very much like to resist his advice, especially since i'm not hungry in the least.

But good God, they are barking loud.

-B